Hi,

I haven't posted in a long time, because I had decided that I would just try to help the people on this site rather than just lay my problems out all the time and not give anyone advice and help in return. But I feel that my dues have been paid so to speak and have made the desicion to try to have an equal balance of helping and getting help.

I feel like absolute garbage. So many things are going wrong, also I don't feel like myself anymore. My attitude and the things I do have changed, I'm confused about things constantly, and I fear that I am running out of friends. Recently I talked to my good friend Jonny and realized that I can't talk to him anymore. I can't talk to other people that I used to because we have moved away from each other in our lives. And well Erin... I am still in deep depression over what happpened that nighta few weeks ago, and haven't spoken to her yet... So its like I have no where to turn to. Also listening to David Grey is not helping that situation.

I just realized that Valbends feels the same way as me, not really wanting to die, but to just be unconscious or hurt myself somehow. I've stopped cutting for over two weeks now and realized that the cause of it was Erin. I now have so pretty deep scars that will most liekly never heal. It should be fun tryin to explain to my future wife or girlfriend (If I ever stop liking girls that I know it won't work out with) what I got them from. Anyway jsut feeling like garbage. Maybe tell me something good about me that I can think about? Cause I can't think of one right about now.

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice