((((((Leharas mind))))))

You are right I know, nothing you said was offensive to me. I just find it really difficult to do that now. The longest I've gone is a year, and then I folded under pressure of my past revisiting my present. I keep thinking if I just put enough will power into it I can do it, but at this point I think it is past willpower, it's about control, punishment and coping and I have not found another way that gives me the momentary relief that SI seems to do. I am angry and hurt and every scar has my abusers name on it.
Sorry I am beginning to rant - but that's where I've been for some time now.
Thank you all for you interest and concern, it is highly appreciated.