I lost my very good friend... months ago... and.. held feeling the grief in... and.. with my son's friends.. at such a young age 24... childhood friends.. I couldn't go to the funerals... I couldn't....I keep saying.. I couldn't.. I couldn't...
There has been so much death... in the past 4 years for me.... I feel surrounded by death...and I just couldn't go to one more funeral....

And tonight.. it hit me so hard... I can't stop crying.. the grief.. the pain... my heart it hurts so so so bad....

I feel.. like my heart is going to explode...

and I am DID... so when.. I get very upset... my alters get very active... and it makes an excurciating headache.. it is a special kind.. like a band around your forehead... that tightens and tigthens.. unbearable...

when the alters calm down.. the pain goes away... not like a real headache....

I took Darvcet... because I need.. to not "feel"....

can't figure out why I am posting....

does anyone out there understand????? grief....