Hey, don't apologize. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but the feelings of guilt you are having are the lies told by the voice of depression. You have to realize that when people are suffering the way you are, and I believe that "A" is, tempers can flare. Take your actions for example. You are depressed and he frustrated you. That tends to push one to the point of lashing out. Erase depression from the equation and you have a situation that would have been easily resolved. To bad we can't just erase our feelings. The lashing our... not your fault. Did it help? Probably not, but again it's not your fault that you're depressed. Now lets look at his reaction. He's suffering from what seems like some situational depression from his terrible loss and from lonliness due to the absence of his sister. He's very vulnerable right now and to him every friend counts. When your emotions flared, it scared him. He's been hurt and probably is afraid of what further hurt would do. That's probably why he logged off when you tried to IM him. Make no mistake, I'm not trying to show your fault, but yather your innocence. If you can look at the situation from a neutral point of view and see where the breakdown occured and put yourself in both sets of shoes, you can see that this is a typical arguement between friends complicated by depression on both ends. No fault to be found in my eyes. He might need a little time though. Maybe you coulde have your fiance talk to "A" for you. Maybe he could let "A" know that you don't hate him and in fact, you are sorry that the incident happened and would very much like to remain his friend. Just a thought. I'm so very sorry that you're feeling this way. I frequent the pit of despair myself and I know as well as anyone that it's no picnic. Please take care of yourself.

Ry