Hope...It would be nice, wouldn't it, if it could be like lovely Bebop says.
I was married for 20 years, much as you describe, and much from the beginning. I had many "fantasy" affairs, though I was never physically unfaithful to my husband. I even told him about a couple of these infatuations. The reason I didn't leave, and I wanted to, from early on, is that he told me he would take our daughter from me and throw me out in the street with nothing...and I believed him. In retrospect, I think I would have had more rights, but I was so brainwashed and dominated by him.
Your situation may not be this severe. And maybe, as Bebop says, there is hope for the two of you. I can only related to what I experienced. And I did leave, but only after our daughter had left for college, at which time he was sheepish and apologetic.
Patty