I agree with the poster who suggested counseling. Marriage counseling would be a good place to start. The topic of your sex life should come up pretty quickly. Has she had therapy for her abuse history?

Let's assume with counseling you are able to resume a loving and intimate life with your wife. If your fetish gets in the way of a healthy sex life you'll likely need therapy to work that out.

Online forums can do a lot, but some things really need to be worked out with a therapist...imo. It's worth the embarrassment if you want to try to save your marriage.