Shaking as I write this, sick to stomache, please don't hate me.

I have seen horrible things, my eyes hurt, they have witnessed so much, I have seen abuse, it is disgusting to see human hurt another human like that. How can someone do such harm to someone else?

I have memory, bad one, haven't told T yet, don't ever talk about it,

I have seen physical abuse, was staying the night at my best friends house, her mom and dad where getting a divorce, her husband was physcially abusive, she didn't want my friend around that, wanted safe home for friend and her. Had restraing order against husband, Friend and mom are like family to me, so her mom is like my mom, friend is like sister. Friend's mom got the divorce papers in, hadn't heard from husband in days, last time she did he was far away. So friend's mom felt safe to ask me over to spend the night, my parents where okay with it, they knew the stiuation. We had big dinner to celebrate, had fun, played board games, went to bed.

At two in the morning sounds of breaking glass, screaming, friend bolts out of bed to go defend mom, Friends mom screams for me to call police, friends dad is drunk, screams at me if I call the police he will ****ing kill her, hit, scream, yell, he tries to talk me downstairs, says I desereve what there getting for being family to them. I get phone, call 911, hide in closet, so much screaming, so much hitting, so much name calling. Operater tells me to stay on phone, I peek out from top of stairs, pleading, begging for him to stop, he tells me to shut my mouth or he will come get me, throws a shoe at me. Please stop, Please stop, I cry, makes way towards stairs, I scamper back into friends room and hide in closet, can here him coming, one step, two step, three step, glass breaks, I here friends mom screaming at him, he goes back starts on her again, my friend screams, so much screaming.

Police finally arrive, force him to ground, handcuffs. Blood and glass all over living room. Cops check everyone, friends dad is sitting in chair, looks at me, "Dirty little *****, called the cops on me did you? I will make you pay." Spits at me, gets up to slam me down, Cop forces him down into chair, then takes him to the cop car, I make glasses of water for everyone. Pacing kitchen, numbing out, going blank, floating above it all. I fill out witness report, cop leaves.

Wake up, have to tell parents, don't want to keep it a secret, friends mom really upset, keeps apologizing, saying sorry sorry, shouldn't have happend, starts crying. I tell her not her fault, not anyones fault, she didn't know noone knew it was going to happen.
She calls my mom, mom nice to her face. Tells me it's okay. Comes and gets me. In car on ride home, mom starts saying bad things about friends mom, I get mad, yell at her, not friends fault, you let me go. Mom slaps me, "Don't ever talk to me like that again you *****." I am the parent I make decisions, you child you listen, I'm right,you stupid and wrong."

Friends dad drove by my house a few times, I guess he was looking for a chance to pay me back, never did get the chance, my dad was always home.

I feel bad, so sick about writing this. Not supposed to...not supposed to...
Sorry Sorry, Sorry, don't hate me dont' hate me dont hate me sorry....