(((the pack)))
i'm sorry it's so tough still.
could you at least try therapy? or meds? and if you don't like it then you can always quit.
i don't know what you look like (even if i knew i have never in my life seen a person who looked like a freak) but judging from your posts here you don't seem like one.
it seems to me you're trying your very best. safe hugs
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花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime