Thanks guys for the support. I am really relieved to be able to talk about this. It feels like I can start seeing myself growing up from being stuck as a nine year old in so many ways. Like i just sat in that ally and waited for my Therapists to come looking for me and help me get out. I know it sounds weird but its true. Finally the little girl is getting comfort from the world that has in the past just ignored or hurt her. I dont know how this will all work out and I dont know if I will be ok but i think I may be. I hate this physical pain and I want it to stop. It comes and goes. I dont know what more I can do for my body. . I am kinda sad. I have gone back to old ways to stop it but it doesnt help very long. Thanks for listening guys. I really need to kep talking well writing anyway.