I'm having a hard time being objective about my mother's communications. I got a letter from Mom today. She seems to be doublespeaking and I can't figure this out. What is she telling me? What do her words and phrasing tell you about her/me? Here's a nutshell for you:

She was emotionally hurtful to me in my childhood, being very controlling, and I've learned to distance myself from her to avoid her imposed guilty feelings. I've tried in the past to be more open to her, but she hurts me every time by cruelly twisting my words in response. It's not worth it to me to remain in her company, and I rarely initiate conversation in any form. I do love her, and although I have forgiven her for the hurt she has caused, I just can't forget it. If it helps, I can paint in a little more information:

I'm 35 and she's 54. I'm in Texas and she's in California. She's still a Christian Scientist and I've renounced that faith in favor of an individual sense of spirituality. We'd been through three divorces together before I was 10, and she went through one with my younger brother without me. I've been married almost ten years to my first & only wife. I'm trying hard to keep from over-disciplining my 4-year-old daughter, but it's a constant battle for mental and emotional restraint. Mom was very effective at guilt-tripping, and I catch myself doing that sometimes to Zoe. Anyway,...

I don't know if you answer these kinds of queries, but thanks for listening. It's good to say these things "out loud" regardless of the result.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Pete (Letter follows)

Dear, dear Pete,

It occurred to me to let you know that I am mentally, spiritually striving for not just the sense of human forgiveness (for only God, good and truly forgive) but for the strength to grow towards a renewal of affections. I daily ask to be shown the tools of renewal that I may identify them and use them. It takes great moral courage not to bring the gloom of the erroneous past into the bright goodness of today. It has helped me to think spiritually of God, good as your true and only Mother, that makes you Her good son and frees you from my mortal mistakes.
But I take the responsibility for my part.
I hope something I have written you today will help the renewal of affections.

Love loves you, and I love you, kiss your babies and dear wife for me,
Cheryl (mom, not Mother)