Thanks skeksi and earthmama,

I have tried using a journal to identify feelings but I end up confused of overwhelmed. I am thinking this is the complex nature of the PTSD. It takes me a long time processing stuff to actually find out what emotions fit with a particular memory. Also when I journal I find I become even more depressed after it is written, things like shame, guilt, responsibility (and added flash backs)all come up. As I grew up in a small town the media surrounding one of my trauma's was not to helpful for me. So written words sometimes adds to my anxiety. I get anxious when T writes notes even. I am even getting anxious with this thread already. I am avoidant this allows me to work and function within my family, but at a huge cost. My thoughts are racing so I will come back to this thread later. Thanks for your comfort and understanding.