Odd title I realize, but kinda how I am feeling.

First off I have had a good stroke of luck recently, an old girl friend that used to live with me, contacted me recently after 10 years of not hearing a word. We have been chatting on line and on the phone playing catch up and looking forward to the future. It is like we are picking up as if the 10 years never passed, I'm extremely happy and excited at the prospect. She does know of every thing that has happened and about my condition, and it does not phase her at all. This last week has been the first time that I have looked forward to tomorrow and on wards with out any dread, if that makes sense.

On the other hand, this last week I have had extremely sever panic attacks. Last Tuesday I ended up calling the crisis line and was going 100 miles a second. And of course, they had to know the history and what was wrong, ect. Which only added fuel to the fire. Then some how I got disconnected and called back only to have to repeat everything all over again, more fuel.

And been getting phone calls from debit collectors, the same one for the same bill every day and some times more then once a day. About my gas bill, which I do not have any of so no heat, hot water,ect. And winter is coming, and up here it is not uncommon for temps to be below 0 degrees or lower for days on end. The last call they made today, I fired at them with both barrels, pretty much told them if they keep harrassing me every day, I would end up in a hospital. I wasn't to nice when i was saying it. Of course then after I cooled off, I felt terrible on how I handled it.

On one hand, tomorrow is looking extremely good. On the other I feel like I am going to completely lose it all. Went to renew my meds that I take at night, only to get a recording saying that they can't all of a sudden be renewed. So no sleep after tonight, will be back on the 2 to 3 hours a night again.

So I am feeling good most of the day, until I get hit by a panic attack and then get a little low. Like to day, was okay, but then the house wasn't clean enough. And was going at that like a mad man until my back screamed at me to stop.

I don't know, I hope the up mode continues and scared to death that I will take another nose dive, and the panic attacks are not helping matters at all.

Shrugs, thought I would post here, think my dog is getting tired of listening to me so much.