I think you are making smart and healthy decisions about your future relationship. You can't help him out of the muck he is in if you end up in there with him.

Therapy is definately a good thing to try. If there are "issues" that can be discovered, explored and put in order, then greater peace can follow. At the risk of sounding fatalistic, I will be realistic, there can be personality issues that are so fundamental to his being that no therapy can change.

Xanax is an anti-anxiety med. It is only a possible part of an anti-depression regimine. I am guessing that his physical doc prescribed this. He really should be seen be a psychiatrist and get a more educated treatment plan started. Also, Xanax is very addictive, if he has an alcohol addiction, Xanax may not be a good thing to be using.

You are VERY smart to be making these observations and assesments before commiting to a marriage!!! I am sure other folks here can tell you tales about what pains and joys you may have in store for you.

Wherever you go, there you are