I'm working through this PTSD packet and one of the things I had to do was journal about my abuse. I chose to write about something that I didn't think would affect me much. Boy was I wrong. Iwrote about being raped and it was awful. I started remembering things that I haven't remembered since it happened...22 years ago! I thought I had gotten over it, but since I have rarely spoken about it at all through my life, I'm realizing that I'm definitely not over it. I cried and cried all night...all while I was writing about it. I just want to crawl into a hole and die...I think you guys know the feeling if you have been through any kind of abuse.

I don't know what to do. I feel so ashamed about it. The worst part....I think I enjoyed some of it....even though I was only 4 years old. That's the shameful part. I became aroused. My t says it's perfectly normal to feel that way when you are being touched. I don't think so because I am so ashamed of it.