Lexicon,

This is some of the hardest work you may ever do! No wonder you're crying so much as you are working through this.

I absolutely hope you know that any 'enjoyment' is the body's physiological reaction which is involuntary!!

I am glad to hear your therapist telling you this is normal to feel as you do. Please talk about the shame with your therapist as you are able. You have not one thing to be ashamed about.

You are to be applauded for your willingness to continue working on this until you feel better.

After such an emotional jorunal writing please be really gentle with yourself and allow for extra tears and maybe some mood swings.