Im ok today. I have therapy today and I need it. I almost lost it last night. I have some really horriable thoughts and feelings about the yucky stuff he did to me and I feel like I have to hurt myself to get him away from me. I fought hard to not last night because I know its crazy thinking and he isnt A PART OF MY dna. Its like the nine year old girl thinks he is. So hopefully I can tell my therapist today how I have felt forever. I wrote it in my daily logs I give to her every week. i would rather tell her in person so we can talk about it and she wont get worried. Its hard to explain the feeling that swirl inside my head and build up in dark corners over the years. I have to keep being honest and truthful with my T's and not hide stuff and make them guess or fight them and thats hard to do. I have to say what I think and feel and trust them to hear me. It so hard getting better and it takes energy and faith and trust and rising over fear. I can do this though. I can and i will. I will let you know how it goes. There are things I need to discuss with someone but i dont want to post its private and I need someone who isnt triggered easily.