hi Pete,

i just want to state a couple opinions. first, i applaud you for recognizing that the way your mother raised you -- heavy handed? -- is not the way you want to raise your daughter. i have a just-turned-five-year-old nephew, so i know how they seem to pick up everything that's said and done. also, if you and your wife have agreed to discipline your daughter consistently and fairly, and you both stick to that plan, then it might be easier to remember not to over do it if that's not part of the plan.

regarding the letter from your mom: well, it sounds to me like she's apologizing. at one time in my life, i belonged to a spiritual group that had some members talking and writing in the same style as your mom is displaying. it also sounds like she wants you and her to have a closer relationship. because she's writing all "flowery," it may be hard to see. has she always written this way? has she been a Christian Scientist for a long time?

maybe your mom has a hard time directly stating what she is feeling. maybe she's afraid of the outcome, that you won't forgive her or want to be close to her again. sometimes people, as they get older, and more spiritual, feel the need to renew ties. maybe something's happened that has given her new insight into the past.

if she were to write more direct, the letter might sound like this:

Dear Pete,
Please forgive me. I know God forgives. I would like us to be close again, but I don't know how to do that. I know I've made mistakes in the past, but I'd like us to start over. It helps me to think of God as your real "Mother" so that you, as "Her son," will not make the same mistakes as I. But, I want you to know that I feel responsible if you do (make those same mistakes).
I hope that this letter helps bring us closer.
I love you, kiss your babies and dear wife for me.
Love,
Mom


Pete, is it your mom who wants to be called "Mom" and not "Mother" or do you insist on calling her "Mom?" just wondering...

i hope this makes sense and helps. write back and let us know how you're doing.

take care,

splash