I'm thinking of not going to therapy -- and not telling the T about it beforehand. This is because I feel that nothing but shock treatment will get his attention. If I go it sends the message, I think, that everything is OK, or OK enough. It isn't. (In fact, shock treatment will not work either. It will just make the situation worse.)

Comments? Helpful questions to me to elucidate more of what is going on? I do not know what to do. I have no confidence that I can find help anywhere. I have some ideas as to what might help, but no one does what I need. The standard of one or two sessions a week satisfies the convenience of the therapist but not the patient. It is, in fact, irrelevant to my needs. But the system knows nothing else, as nearly as I can see. After all, the system works well enough for the people giving the treatment. Why should they change?

Don't talk about hospitalization. As far as I can see (and in my experience) that is a total crock -- if not highly dangerous.

I seem not to be able to do this on my own. I cycle endlessly between states of some improvement and states of fallback. Endlessly.

Just one more satisfied consumer...