having this PTSD, having this damn bipolar crap. I hate the anxiety that comes with it all. It feels like somedays its going to kill me. The ups and downs drive me insane. I want my life back. I want to see pretty landscapes on front lawns, i want to see houses where they once stood, i want the abandoned and falling down crap to disappear from my view and go to hell.

Life shouldnt be this way. It shouldnt stay in your face everytime you look out the window. You should be surrounded by your family and friends like life is meant to be. Not seperated and rarely seeing them. It breaks the heart to spend your life in despare.

Its not fair and I'm tired of being told that life just isn't fair. Its not all in my head, its in my feelings and emotions too. I'm not the only one here that hurts so bad. But i'm one of many that says bring it on, so i can float up face down.