why? why? why? they found me. today earlier the call the phone. nothing in 11 years now today they are here. there always here only now thy are here. the phone call these people for 2 years i lived the two the one's. I dont know what to do. its the same now as the other years ago. call and say how are you. I found your number in the book he said. I am so so so so so so stupid to save 4 damn dollars a month I had my phone number switchd from non published. i am so stupid.

things are as they were now 11 years not hearing that voice, the voice i heard and talked to on the phone today. i am so confused right now. I was only trying to rest and read a book.

not only in a non flashback form only in the here and now. not only in my city in my neigborhood. both of them. i lost everything once before. the are in a sleeping room down only about 3 blocks from my apartment building. they wnated to come over. 11 years. now in my neighborhood. im scared and numb. as when we met neither one a job using some friends phone they have no phone they have no car. they wanted' to come over'

i dont know what to do i am feeling so distant and almost unreal. i cant have this. i have worked so hard to make a home for myslef all i ever wanted to do then. i only sit and stare i dont want this to be never ever ever in MY home. my address is in the phone book and i cant lose it all again.what is mine is not theirs and i cant. what meds do you take he says. anything good he says and i said blood pressure.

havent seen in reality the other since january 21st 1994, when I went to psych for assesmetn said inpatient i gave him $20 for gas to go back to suburb. never seen again. was in for 35 days locked and i did not even want to be discharged no they were no where near in that 35 days andit as i so know it contact in the flesh ceased. the sights of them all gone for 11 years now my neighbors do not want to leave the apartment I feel no safe. i have no company as it is besides the casemanager and now they wish to enter my home after 11 years and i know of the sleeping rooms they are living cockroach infested and never will i subject myself to that or them being here in the home of mine that they would steal, beg, bum, play verbal degrading mind games with me. I always thought I could stand up to them I guess not I picked up. why did id pick up the damn phone

how do i stop it from starting again as it did 11 years ago. i am jsut so confused and was so relaxed and yet picked up the phone. do i still not have control? after all this work and time to make a home for my self do they still control and why am i afraid to simply say i dont want anything to do with either of you ? i cant say it i must be strong. im closing not sure if i made snese only details are not being processed well from the time 13 years ago 2 years them control and now over i am afraid i will brak or back down to the manipulation. needed to try and get that out of my mimd. sorry and thank you for reading this and help you all give me-chris.