Many soldiers in combat were in a state of constant fear, especially when we lived in the jungle for months on end. If the enemy didn't get you with a sniper round, there was the constant danger of booby traps. If the traps didn't get you, direct battle with the enemy was right around the corner.

Some soldiers didn't live in fear every minute, but they were always in a constant state of hyper alert, as you described in your situation. Then the crisis would arrive, we'd deal with it, and go back into hyper alert while burying the grief or terror that comes from seeing people killed right beside you, or your best friend thrown aboard a medical evacuation helicopter and never hearing from them again.

You've lived in some of the same territory. The PTSD might be technically different, but you'll surely experience some of the same reactions to the PTSD. There is a theory that the PTSD is more than emotional or psychological, that it is also physical - that the trauma causes some physical changes in our bodies. And we see these changes in the "symptoms" you mentioned.

It's ok to be against war. I bet soldiers are the most anti-war people in the world. They are willing to go into danger because they want to protect others, not because they like the fight or the terror. And the soldiers pay a price. And the families of the soldiers pay a price.

Not all soldiers are would be child molestors or rapists. We often hear stories about troops raping women in conqured territory, but I never saw a single solder who wanted to do that. And all of them would go out of their way, put their lives in danger to protect children (even the children of the enemy). There's something else going on with people who do that -- it's not the war.

I hope you find in PsychCentral some relief from the "symptoms" and an understanding of what is needed to get beyond the trauma you suffered. You'll meet some good people here. Welcome to PC.

T. (and that doesn't mean therapist)