dayzee, if you drink because of the remembering your loss of a loved one, then you are attempting to avoid the pain you feel inside. healing takes time, however, drinking won't speed up the healing process -- most likely drinking will make things worse since alcohol is a CNS depressant. some things you cannot control--you cannot change to past. what you can do is nice things for yourself on the anniversary or any time you feel the pain from the loss of your bros. your bros would want the best for you. (((((huggs))))