Hi Ej

Sorry to hear that you are not going so well. I hear you.... your confusion and frustrations.
Wow I am in the same space and having the same difficulty. I tend not to won't to go to T when I am in this space as I am so avoidant. When I am having difficulty I notice I present to T as if I am fine. Am I trying to protect myself from the pain that I am trying to hide? I have started to write a letter. It is three pages long already OMG and I still have a week to wait until my next appointment.
I don't have outside contact with T though so phoning or emailing is not an option. So for me I will keep writing and then when it's time for T I may not even hand it to T. This is what normally happens. See I am now confused, why would I write a letter for T and then not give it to T.
EJ lets hope others out here can give us some insights.

Take care