I'd like to see a happier me too, I'd like to see a happier everybody. I am on meds and I am in therapy and I am discussing my feelings with her, but I haven't been in therapy very long so changes aren't going to happen overnight. I know I'm difficult and that's very hurtful, trying and frustrating to everybody. I don't do it on purpose, although it may appear that way. My thinking is really distorted, I have no self-esteem, I have a hard time believing that anybody likes/loves me because I'm not used to that. I'm extremely sensitive. My rapid-cycling takes a toll on me and my depressive cycles are overpowering me. I think about ending it every single day and that scares the hell out of me. I don't want to really die but I desperately want the pain to stop. And yes, I've told my GP, T and pdoc that too. I don't think I'm saying anything that you don't know about me already and I know it just sounds like a bunch of excuses. I don't mean it to. I don't blame you for not feeling comfortable communicating with me, not knowing how I'll respond. All I can offer is my apologies and I have but I'll say it again, I'M SORRY, I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY!!! Quite frankly, I've already said in another thread here, I have so much stuff to work on to undo what my past has done to me, that I really don't know where to start. I just don't know what to say or do, other than to say that I'm trying and I'll try harder. I just hope that y'all won't give up on me.