((((((((((((((((((FREEwill)))))))))))))) No, I don't assume to speak on God's behalf, but I can't imagine that his desire is for you to end it. You have had such hard times in your life, and you are so strong for it. I'm so sorry you are feeling so lost and down and uncared for and--lost. I'm sorry your son is hurting and you are hurting for him and you. I wish your ex-husband would never have done what he did. It is awful, but there is a way out that is not the end. It's staying strong and taking care of you and knowing you are loved.