10 EXCUSES TO MAKE PEOPLE WONDER...

* that new security system is [censored] hot man!
* I had to cut those damn 5 point restraints off in the end.
* That kung fu person with the knife missed my throat.
* I found out the hard way that my best friend worked for the CIA.
* That gangster bar deal went wrong again!
* Who'd have known that old ghost story was true.
* I fond out the hard way that I should never spy on my neighbours.
* I discovered that conspiracy theories do exist - the hard way.
* The aliens abandoned me after cutting into my arm and removing vital parts.
* I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you.

10 EXCUSES THAT DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE AND WILL CONFUSE EVERYONE YOU USE THEM ON (But confusion is a great diversion tactic)!!!

* She was pretty, Jessa Welling, but all I could see were her lies.
* You know all of this is MAZE. All of this is a prison.
* The doctors say I will die but it doesn't matter.
* And the chase is on but end up shortly.
* The world is nothing but a story and I'm the novelist so up yours!
* Who am I? Who are you? I've got amnesia and I can't talk to you so you can go away!
* Don't go away mad...just go away...
* Oh my god! I have scars! Where did those come from?
* I don't know how I got these
* Wow that’s so brave of you to comment to me on your scars. Where did you get those?

10 STUPID EXCUSES.
* A thief did it.
* I haven't got any arms.
* I'm dead.
* Up yours four eyes!
* I popped all the pimples on my arms. These are the old acne scars.
* I did it in my past life.
* My split personality did it.
* It wasn't me and you can't prove it so there!
* Don't cut me again! Haven't you left enough scars on me!
* I rubbed them on brick walls.

10 EXCUSES TO FREAK PEOPLE OUT!

* I was trying to escape the hellhole of my time in jail.
* I want to kill everyone including me.
* My cheese sandwich told me to do it.
* This whole situation with you and me is all a dream so I can do anything I want.
* My system has been programmed to self-destruct..
* Those people from the mental hospital wouldn't let me cut so I had to make up for lost time.
* Take one - I try to kill the nosy people who keep asking about my self-injury and 3..2...1 action...!
* I'm insane.
* Just because I don't jump through the normal people hoops doesn't mean I'm nuts!
* I self harm and you can kiss my ***!

OTHER EXCUSES
*They're cold sores
*'cat scratches'
"never skate neared barbed wire"
*found out the hard way my cat does not like to be tickled
*barb wire is a lot sharper than you think
*"You know Freddy Krueger DID exist after all"
*when your mom says don't lean on windows she means it
*"A rabid oyster shell bit me. Oh you've obviously never been bitten by an oyster"
*"The voices in your head told me to do it"
*they don't look it, but hamsters are aggressive little shits
*"I offer my blood as a sacrifice to the Prince Of darkness"
*"Re-enacting the sword fight in Crouching Tiger Hidden dragon was not as easy as it looked in the movie"
*who knew that light sabres weren't only pretend dangerous
*when they say don't try this at home, they mean it
*"I tried out for a part in The Virgin Suicides"
*lying on a bed of nails is harder than it looks
*I'm part cyborg and I wanted to be human so I had to cut out the microchips in my arm"
*the pink gorillas put transmitters in my arms. I had to get them out
*"I shot up heroin like 40 times with blunt needles"
*never offer to hold a nail while your paranoid friend has the hammer
*Never try to saw a log when you are stoned because if you are your arm and the log look frighteningly similar
*your teacher was right when she said never play with matches
*Teacher was right when she said never run with scissors
*a warning to never try to iron your shirt while you're wearing it
*the penguins found out I’m onto them
*I swallowed 16 crayons and all of them went into my arm to make these scars
*The tigers weren't pleased when I tried to kidnap their cubs
*I made the mistake of hypnotizing my friend and telling him he was a cannibal
*I pretended to be a therapist at a mental hospital
*I found out the sinister side of dolphins
*Never let a domantrix tie you up
*You'll find out the full story in tomorrow's newspapers
*d-I-y is more painful than it looks
*never go to see a hairdresser who has epilepsy
*never try acupuncture
*never ask Edward Scissor-hands to give ya a manicure
*swimming with sharks is a bad idea
*never try out a spear gun if you aren’t sure which way it should point
*never offer to hold the dartboard
*don’t fight with knife throwers
*would you believe that crayons could pierce skin?