Probably you have a lot of defects. Maybe even to the extent that you say. But you should think about 2 things. First you have qualities, somewhere, now you don't see them.
Most important, everyone at one point in his life finds himself to be what he is. What he/she became depends on too many factors to know all of them and to sort out the most important. And it is no use, after all. So you may look with disappointment all your defects, but there is no guilt. What you are was not your choice. Not your fault.

The best of luck