((((((((((((((((((((((((Tired12)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

sorry to hear u had such a bad expereince!!!!!!! Tired u asked urself why are you avoiding appts.,.......soudns like u are very scared inside. Maybe T is going too fast! that could cause a lot of this anxiety. Do you have any hobbies? or other activity or sport that you enjoy doing?
we experience a lot of anxiety between appts. also, and one of the things that seems to help is distracting myself. since we do not trust others becausse of past abuse, we usually stay at home. anyway, we do beadwork. it is almost meditative without haveign to do any relaxations stuff ( it scares us to do those exercises also unless we are in T's office because we are afraid to 'let down our guard'). while we are working on beads, it forces us to concentrate very hard on what we are doing, hence we forget about all the stuff we are scared,angry and frustrated about. the extra upside of this is that we even make a little bit of money off of the beadwork.
not saying you have to get that serious about activity\hobby., but maybe even reading a book if you could concentrate on it would be helpful to get ur mind off of the stuff. then maybe u could keep your next T appt. and explain to T what is going on. i'm sure T will know what to do - that is T's job after all if you can just try to keep ur mind off of the 'garbage' and have some confidence in T . we hopes u can make\keep an appt. and maek it thru. pc is a great place to come and hang out. have u tried live chat yet? ther a lot of good support can be found. it is also helpful in getting your mind off of stuff bothering u because u have opportunity to help others with their issues. also we are just a pm away if you ever need to talk.

sends u a safe

beadlady29