((((((reddevil)))))))))))

thank u so much for your post. you hit the nail on the head because we feel so guilty for what we are feeling. and have, indeed been trying to change how we feel. they are so hard to accept because they go against our usual nature in a major way. we have bben trying to distract ourself form our feelings since we first read your post because we are avoiding allowing ourself to feel any way we can. losing tiem also - prolly doing all this switching for the same reason i would imagine. at any rate, it sure does help to know that you are out there understanding exactly where we are at.
take care
beadlady29