I too found that all my meds made me worse. I have been on and off so many meds over the past 16 years. I was on as many as 9 pills a day at one time. I have been med free for almost 3 years and most of the time I am fine. I still occasionally have manic/depressive episodes, but I usually snap out of them quickly. The worst I got was being on effexor (which is not a drug for bipolar - see the FDA website) which landed me in the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I spent 4 days in the hospital and I NEVER want to repeat that. I cannot find a Dr. that cares anything about me as a person. In fact, after I ended up in the hospital, I went to my Dr. for about 3-4 more months and then just stopped. Not once, did the office even call to see if I was ok or even alive.

Try to find another dr. that wants to help and make sure that you have a support person close by that understands and wants to help you either way. My hubby may not understand all that I go through but he definitely stands by me and won't let me harm myself.