whoever lied to me and said college was gonna be great deserves a hard *** wooping, College sucks.
My AvPD symptoms prevent me from doing alot of things such a. making friends. I feel like everyone has already made their friends and Im not good enough to be one of them. I feel soo rediculous all the time. One day i carried 5 big books in my hands from 8am-12pm because i felt stupid wearing my backpack. its rediculous.
my teammates and my coach (im on the tennis team) noticed my excessive worrying...but im worrying they dont like me or i did something wrong or...if they're mad at me. and ugh it drives me insane because its a distorted perception...and i am FULLY aware of that and yet i cant help the way i feel. My coach and i had a heart to heart and she recommended i go see the counselor (who i was already going to...but wanted to stop going because i think the counselor is dumb) but i agreed because she forced me to...
I also do ALOT of apologising...in two days i said it at least 100 times. Even if i had no reason to apologise i would, just to cover my @$$ and make sure they wouldnt have a reason to hate me.
anyways i started emailing my T and am on 5 week counselin program and ugh i feel like ive lost everyone so quickly.my mental stability is down the toilet. I have no support system besides my T, my coach and my counselor. I dont have the  to tell my parents what ive been going through. I dont want them to worry.
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당신의 사랑은 법률을 위반하고 있었다, 그러나 나는 증인을 필요로 했다 <3
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