Quote:
Originally Posted by SJBenne
Hi,
I'm worried about my brother. He's been arrested many times for DUI, reckless driving, probation violations, ect. Please help me to find help for him, but let me tell you about him first.
A few months ago, I went to a psychologist to talk about him and to seek help for him. I told her about his experimentation in drugs and alcohol. We discussed his stealing from my mom, my dad, and myself. We talked about things I couldn't understand why he did. For example:
-Why he never apologizes for any of the stealing or violence to my mom and I?
-Why he continues to steal and pawn items that aren't his?
-Why when he doesn't get his way he becomes exceptionally violent toward me? He rarely threatens my mom, but I have been told a large number of gruesome ways in which I will die.
-Why he explodes into uncontrollable rage?
-Why he will act like he loves us then treat us without remorse?
-Why he can't accept responsibilty for anything?
-Why he lies about everything, even things that don't even matter?
-Why he tends to live in his "own reality"? He will say that my mom and I promised him things that we never did. He will blame everything, especially his own failures like failing out of college on anyone and everyone else, especially me.
-ect,ect, ect.
I had many sessions with her and all were about him. I think I just went to her because I wanted someone who could tell me what's wrong with him. She said that he would need a formal diagnosis, but that he is probably a sociopath.
My brother is 24 years old and is on probation. My mom and dad tried to get him help when he was 17 and went to family counseling. My brother blamed everything on my parents and came home and said that the counselor told my parents that he needed more "personal freedom."
Note: At this time, he had already stolen my grandmother's car and money from her and my parents. When confronted about it, he proceeded to use the excuse that he "needed it" because my parents didn't give him enough.
I don't think that he will get help on his own. I take that back, I KNOW he will not get help on his own because he believes nothing is wrong with him. But...I don't know what to do. When he doesn't get what he wants, which is usually money, he threatens to commit suicide, then explodes into rages threatening to kill someone...mostly me. I am afraid for my life. I am afraid for my mom's life. He will kill me one day, if he doesn't get help, and I sure he would rationalize those actions too.
Does anyone know any laws to have someone get mandatory help or to be committed? He lives in Georgia, if that helps.
Thank you for your help.
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Wow, sorry that you have to go through that. Have you brought these concerns to your parents or family?
How old are you currently?
First thing that comes to mind is that he is allowed to do whatever he wants with no repercussions from anyone over the years. I don't mean telling him it was bad behavior, but having consequences for his actions.
Your parents and family (adults) sound like they might have been too permissive, and perhaps for many years, stemming from childhood. You don't mention your parents ever doing anything to protect themselves, the family, or even yourself from his threats of violence, his multiple acts of theft, and threats of suicide. Threats of suicide are SERIOUS, and MUST always be taken as serious. He's also far too unstable to trust that he simply wouldn't do it. Next time he makes a threat of violence toward others or a suicide threat toward himself, call the police immediately at 911. I mean it. Don't give him a chance to play games on everyone else's mental health and safety, and don't take a risk that you might later regret. Anyone on drugs and alcohol is unstable and for that reason alone you shouldn't assume that they won't follow through with their claims.
The police would put a mandatory mental health hold on him for 72 hours. You can also file a restraining order by calling the police department. That means that for a certain period of time specified by the order, if your brother sets foot on your property/parents/grandparents whomever files it-- he can be arrested on the spot just for violating the order.That would be another safety mechanism.
You MUST take action to protect yourself first, and while I think it is honorable and loving to want your brother to get help, I really don't think this is a reality you are facing. he is not going to seek help, especially if he is in the midst of alcohol and drug abuse. MAYBE an intervention would work, but I doubt it at this point. I think it's great you are in therapy, but you can't fix someone else who doesn't want to be "fixed." Therapy is good for help in overcoming emotionally charged situations like this one. I'd imagine suffering years of abuse at the hands of your brother has taken it's toll on the whole family. Family counseling is not the answer for this though. Maybe if he gets stopped in his tracks and evaluated, he can start personal therapy/rehab. Your parents should get their own counseling.
What does your therapist say you should do about this?