Angie

I'm sorry that I haven't responded earlier. I was just here for a few quick seconds earlier today and made a couple of responses in the Creative Forum and left. I'm only back now and have to run out the door in a few minutes.

I'm sorry that you had to not only hear a former member say some bad things about you but also to know he feels that way. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to open up on the forum and reveal something that is so painful for you and how vulnearable it makes you feel. I wish that he had not said it or even felt it. I also realize that you did open up because you are using it as an example to how I feel here when reading things about me that I do not like and react to. I really appreciate that very much. I also want to tell you that I don't judge you by whatever anybody else says or feels about you. I have a mind of my own and I know the real you and that's the caring, loving, honest Angie that I have come to love and cherish and become friends with. I commend you for being so strong to not let it bring you down, to be able to move on and concentrate on those that do love and care for you both here and IRL. Kudos to you. I think you know already how I would've responded in such a situation had it have been me. I really don't know what to say anymore, I keep saying I'm trying but I keep getting sucked in. The problem I encounter is when I am reading hurtful things, they are already penetrating my heart. I made the right decision by not responding to the comments but it also stopped me from responding to the kudo because I would've felt like a hypocrite in doing so. But OTOH, I've talked several times in PM with the receipient of the kudo thread and things are well between us. We have both moved on from what transpired in the past and are becoming closer through our PMs, so it wasn't really necessary for me to respond to that thread anyway. She knows where my heart is. What I need to do is come to a point where things don't penetrate my heart while I'm actually reading them. That's what's really hard for me. I think what happened to you has to some degree penetrated your heart too because I think I read the pain in your words but somehow you're able to get past that, put it behind you and not dwell on it. That's what I don't know how to do. Is it possible for a highly sensitive person to get to that point? I sure would love to. I HATE being like this. It doesn't make for a very easy or happy life and it is easy to see by this thread alone how it is so difficult for me to maintain friendships. I have put myself on the waiting list at the public library system here for a book that was recommended to me on coping in the world while being highly sensitive. I'm 5th on the list so I have no idea when it will be available for me to pickup. If anybody else can recommend any particular book that you think may be helpful for me, then I will certainly look into it as well.

I know it looks like I'm not trying but I am. I'm really sorry that y'all are getting hurt, offended and frustrated with me. Although that is the last thing I want, I can certainly understand why y'all do. I think it probably takes the patience of Job to help me and maybe then some. I'm sorry for that, I wish I was easier. Like I said, if I can learn how to not let things penetrate my heart immediately and then subsequently dwell on them, I would be in a much happier place and I know y'all wouldn't get so frustrated with me.

Again, I apologize for the delay of my response. It was nothing personal towards you. You know how much I love you and cherish our friendship and I also know how hard it was for you to open up on this public forum and reveal something hurtful to you in order to help me. That certainly hasn't gone unnoticed. It is hard to reveal things that are so hurtful, to open them up for everyone to read. There really are no words to express how much that means to me.

(((((((((((((( Angie ))))))))))

PS: I have to go out now for my family Easter dinner. I am not ignoring the rest of the replies and I will address each and every one of them when I return. The fact that y'all took the time to continue to help me means a lot to me. I hope y'all know that. Just didn't want anybody to think that they were being ignored.