I did not go. I did not tell him I was not going to go. Often I do not know myself whether I will go until it happens. I did send him an e-mail a couple of days ahead of time saying I was in trouble. He replied that we could discuss it at our next meeting (the one I did not go to). I knew I could not explain to him what was going on -- my mind was non-functional for that level of things.

I did this once before. At that time, after trying to contact me via telephone, he came to my place and tried to contact me. I was there but hid from him so he could not see me through the windows. I did the same thing this last time. It is a repeat of something I would have tried as a child, but then there was no way I could hide, and the person who was after me would get me and there was nothing I could do except "go away" mentally. I imagined myself doing the same thing yesterday. Mind shut down, no way to cope with "authorities" if they were actually sicced on me. No way but to try to lie and evade and do things that would make me appear "guilty" and get me in more and more trouble. As nearly as I can tell, no one in this society understands why people do things like that. There is no safety anywhere.