Hi Candika, I have been working on myself for a few decades. (If I would have had websites like this I think that it would have progressed much faster! And I haven't been in therapy that whole time.) I am just now conquoring how I have kept people away from me so that I never enjoyed close friends (I have had friends). I increased my self-worth (which is a major reason why people keep others away), and I worked on MY identity. I think that working on these will be very helpful in your goal of attaching to others. After you work on this it is just examining closely exactly what you are doing that is not allowing others to get close. I found it was fear. At this point you have to look very closely at yourself to see it because it is easily over looked. I think that it was just a habit that I had to reach in and pull out and deal with. It is amazing the unconscious stuff we do to keep others at a distance. Oh yeah, and I think another big part of this was that the first person who betrayed me was my mother, so unconsciously I never trusted woman. I dealt with this head on. Once I was at a party talking to a woman and I felt myself feeling a bit unworthy. I immediately recognized it for what it was. I told myself that this woman is not my mother so stop! It really worked!


Maybe I am misunderstanding but the only thing that you can change are your thoughts of today. For instance, if being mistreated has caused a person to feel unworthy the only thing that they can change is how they feel about themselves today.