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Now I'm frustrated! Haven't you read the STA post? It gives sound advice on NOT reacting. That's where a lot of our problems lie, is in not thinking before we REact! We need to STOP! and THINK and NOT REACT. After we've given some thought to something that upset us, more than likely we'll realize that we misunderstood what was said and feelings won't get hurt.

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Yes, I have read the STA thead. It sounds very CBT-oriented. I am not a very CBT-oriented therapist/trainee. My orientation is emotion-focused and psychodynanic. So our points of view differ regarding this. I believe our feelings are valid, whatever they are. And if you get hurt by something, you get hurt. Now that doesn't mean that in reviewing the situation, you aren't able to reconstruct the meaning in a way that you can soothe the hurt, or perhaps find that you mis-interpreted the stimulus. But you still hurt initially. I don't believe you can erase or change that. You are correct that you do not have to act on the hurt. But I do not believe that you can avoid the initial hurt unless you avoid the stimulus itself.

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It's great to be sensitive to others feelings, moods, pain, etc, but NOT to the point that we let it bring our own mood down. We can be sensitive without taking on other's feelings or letting them trigger feelings in us.

Something else we need to know is the difference between "sympathy" and "empathy."

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This is certainly true, but I'm not sure how this fits in with the above.

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As for LMo and I being frustrated, (and maybe others, too) yes we are! We have a right to our own feelings and to express them, especially when we try so hard to help and we just go ignored.

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I'm not sure what you mean by ignored here. As far as I've seen, AG does respond to your posts. Is she supposed to obey your suggestions in order to help you not be frustrated? I'm confused.

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We haven't expressed our feelings in a hurtful way. That's because we STOPPED, THOUGHT and then ACTED. I just can't stress that enough.

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Apparently.

Well, I can only judge what's hurtful by my own standards. And I assume that you can only do the same as an individual. As LMo reminded me in her post, I can do a better job, however, of expressing my perceptions regarding this in a PM versus posting it on the board. Particularly if my perception is a minority opinion.

Regards,
gg