hi sannah ((HUG)) I guess its called body memories. I have had it ever since the thing. It happens usually when I am triggered or thinking about the kidnapping/assualt.

tigger warning dont read if you are triggered easily.............



When the guy was raping me I thought he was cutting me in half somehow thats how it felt very very painful . so when I get triggered or something reminds me of that night I feel that feeling again usually its just a little yucky but since I have been doing EMDR on it its been strong and at times unbearable pain. I dont understand it I dont get it. There is nothing wrong with me physically, Sometimes it hurts so bad I throw up. I dont get it i dont understand it and I dont know how to help it. My emdr T said she was going to do research and call around to see what can help. I am going to call my dr in a second and beg for painkillers which I know wont help but maybe they will make me feel loopy and that might make me feel better. of course i will tell her this and of course she wont give them to me but I will try. I just cant lie to my dr and say I need painkillers for something else . I have this honesty characteristic that drives me crazy. I will be ok I think. I can do this.