Quote:
Originally Posted by Simcha
 Wow, sorry that you have to go through that. Have you brought these concerns to your parents or family?
How old are you currently?
First thing that comes to mind is that he is allowed to do whatever he wants with no repercussions from anyone over the years. I don't mean telling him it was bad behavior, but having consequences for his actions.
Your parents and family (adults) sound like they might have been too permissive, and perhaps for many years, stemming from childhood. You don't mention your parents ever doing anything to protect themselves, the family, or even yourself from his threats of violence, his multiple acts of theft, and threats of suicide. Threats of suicide are SERIOUS, and MUST always be taken as serious. He's also far too unstable to trust that he simply wouldn't do it. Next time he makes a threat of violence toward others or a suicide threat toward himself, call the police immediately at 911. I mean it. Don't give him a chance to play games on everyone else's mental health and safety, and don't take a risk that you might later regret. Anyone on drugs and alcohol is unstable and for that reason alone you shouldn't assume that they won't follow through with their claims.
The police would put a mandatory mental health hold on him for 72 hours. You can also file a restraining order by calling the police department. That means that for a certain period of time specified by the order, if your brother sets foot on your property/parents/grandparents whomever files it-- he can be arrested on the spot just for violating the order.That would be another safety mechanism.
You MUST take action to protect yourself first, and while I think it is honorable and loving to want your brother to get help, I really don't think this is a reality you are facing. he is not going to seek help, especially if he is in the midst of alcohol and drug abuse. MAYBE an intervention would work, but I doubt it at this point. I think it's great you are in therapy, but you can't fix someone else who doesn't want to be "fixed." Therapy is good for help in overcoming emotionally charged situations like this one. I'd imagine suffering years of abuse at the hands of your brother has taken it's toll on the whole family. Family counseling is not the answer for this though. Maybe if he gets stopped in his tracks and evaluated, he can start personal therapy/rehab. Your parents should get their own counseling.
What does your therapist say you should do about this? |
I have brought these concerns to my family. My father died of Burkitt's Lymphoma on Jan 26, 2006 after a 7 month battle with cancer. My brother was better a while after he died, but quickly regressed again.
I am nineteen years old, almost 20. I think because of my age, he views me more as a threat to his lifestyle, an inconvenience, than a sister.
I have talked to my therapist about my family and all the stuff my mom and my dad let him get away with. The only thing she has ever said was that them not disciplining him enough could have helped nurture this behavior. I had to stop seeing her though because my insurance refused to cover it.
I think the thing that really concerns me right now is that while he was in prison (3 months) he was mandatorily clean and still blamed everything on the police, the government, my mom, and me. He still suffered from uncontrollable rage and a lack of remorse.
My mom still nurtures his behavior. She says that she can't have her son commit suicide after watching her husband die, so she still gives him money and pays his bills whenever she can. I do wonder if he would commit suicide if we put a restraining order on him, but I think he would probably kill me instead.
He threatens suicide often, but it always follows with rage typically aimed at me. He blames me for everything wrong that ever happened in his life. He says that I condemned him to his life by trying (and failing) to have him arrested after he stole a great deal of money from me out of my father's life insurance account, after he wasted all of his money in a matter of months. He says he never had a "real chance" to go to college like I did, when he is the one who has a college saving account with 2 years payed into it, something I have never had.
I wonder why he hates me so much.
Thank you for responding. It means a lot to me.