This is really messing with me today, and a lot of recent days. I am not so sure someone can "fix" me, I have felt the way I do for as long as I can remember, I just didn't know what to call it when I was a kid. How can you be "ok" when you wake up and the first thing you think is how much you hate yourself, or you just had dreams all night about negative things that you can't blow off as dreams all the time, because some of it is just stuff that actually happened or are just too vivid. I wish someone can just fix me, but I am even having a hard time talking with someone professionally about this because I'm afraid about admitting how ****ed up I am to someone else. One of my main problems is people looking down on me/making fun of me throughout life, this is not an excuse, it just really makes it hard to trust anybody and I'm always told adults should have it together already or get over it, so mommy and daddy weren't nice...blah blah blah etc. Sometimes all that helps is knowing that others don't know the crap that runs through my mind all day.

But in all I'm not a functioning adult and that only worries me because people feel the need to point it out all the time. Every time I try to talk about things I like I have to hear about how odd/childish it is, or get asked why I have my job and am not trying to become a medical assistant or something "respectable". Why I don't own a house or a car, why I don't have credit cards. Why I am not married yet/have kids(are you serious? I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning sometimes!) I'd love to tell people "because mind your own business." but what always comes out is some excuse, like I have to freakin answer to them.

I think Stefano, I was trying to point out that I agree with you but I may have got a little confusing. I think sometimes if everyone else would shut the hell up and just let people live, we may not feel there was anything "wrong" with us at all. I wish the world would just let you be comfortable in your own skin, as I'm always told I should just be. But wish in one hand and you know the rest.