I am so very upset. I try and be positive and I try to be honest and I just think whats the use. My T's cant make this pain go away. I call my dr and try to talk to her and she is so crabby. I told her that i wanted pain pills and I know she probably wont let me have them. She says its psychiatric pain. i said please dont call me psychiatric anything. She got mad and said you have so many rules and I cant follow them! I can only think the only rule I have ever said was last friday when I asked her not to call me a victim or a survivor. I ignored this and said well I am assuming you wont let me have any pain pills and she said NO, and I jokingly said ok well your fired. She hung up on me!! I was still talking to her laughing about it and I realized she had hung up on me.
I cant do this. I cant be treated like i am crazy. I know that my pain is all in my head. I know that it still hurts and I would appreciate some sort of help. I told this dr last week why I have this pain and thats a big deal for me, and now she hangs up on me for no reason. I feel like I am stupid and crazy and gross and yucky. I was so shocked she hung up on me iot took like five min to process that. I just could not beleive she did that. I really liked this dr. I know that I will never be able to trust her ever again. I feel like she has no regard for me as a person no respect for me. I think I have cried so much tonight my eyes are swollen. I just feel like such a looser. Whos dr hangs up on them? I was being so nice and so honest and she took it the wrong way. I feel so stupid and horriable and sad and gross and alone and in pain and my body is a mess. I fel so stupid for trusting people with this knowledge of this pain and thinking maybe it could be helped maybe it didnt make me gross or crazy and i was wrong. I was so wrong. I feel so yucky and scared and confused. What do I do now? I think its also becasue I am on disability for the PTSD and get state medical and that makes me less important because I am so lazy and a big huge crybaby for not getting over this already. SO I dont matter to her. I am so sad and hurt and confused. i cant stop crying and crying and crying and crying. I feel like crap.