Yes, because I am very sensitive to the movement and space in his room. I am very sensitive to how close we are. I like it when we are close. When he withdrew from me, I was puzzled. He had never done that before. I am not exactly sure it happened right when I reprimanded him. That was mixed in with a string of lashing out against people and circumstances associated with the divorce, and some of it was very irrational, "dumping." At some point he went over near his fridge and stood there and we continued "therapy." I thought maybe he was on his way to the fridge to get something or to his desk to get something. But he did nothing but stand there far away and continue listening and talking to me. I didn't like it, but when he came back, I put it out of my head nd don't remember associating it with any particular "better" behavior on my part. During our session, I never once thought about his ex-wife. It was only later that night, when I was rethinking the session, about how unsatisfactory it was, that I thought of his ex-wife and wondered if my behavior in session reminded him of her and so he withdrew from me physically in his office as perhaps he had many times with his ex-wife (he has never told me this, it is pure speculation how he might have reacted to her). So it was only my post-session thinking that came up with the ex-wife thing. When I think back to what actually happened, he went and stood far away and we talked normally. He showed no hint of being hurt, exasperation, anger, annoyance or anything at me. So he didn't seem pissed off at all by my behavior/words. But yet he went to stand far away from me. Guess I'll never know.

His being his normal self at the legal meeting helped me remember both him and "us" and wipe the post-session musings away.

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Do you think your perception of what happened during the session was magnified somewhat?

Yes, definitely. Actually, again, it wasn't my perception during the session that was magnified, it was after the session that I magnified/warped things (most likely).

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The touch on the arm... Your T might pick it up in a one-on-one session but maybe not in a public setting with other interactions going on.

Yes, totally agree, the touch on the arm was very appropriate for our setting. That's why I was able to do it, even though out of character for me. I would not have done anything inappropriate, especially with other people around.

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When you think about it, did you really expect him to withdraw when you touched him? If so, why?

No, I didn't. I expected him to act normally and myself to be able to connect better. It was very reassuring to have him accept this little touch. My hot coals comment was meant as a kind of bonk on my own head, like, what did you expect, sunny??? I am also very sensitized to what is appropriate touch between a therapist and a client (probably in part because of the discussions here on PC), so any touch between us is one I notice. I don't think I would ever touch him like this in his office during therapy. I am very careful not to invade his space during sessions, I like him close but I am very respectful. There have been a few times when I went over to his couch (or he called me over) and we sat side by side to look at something together. We have been physically close at that time, sitting next to each other, even our arms touching. I remember noticing that and it made me feel closer and very companionable with T. But I had my antennae out for the merest hint that I was making T uncomfortable with my closeness. But it was all just very normal for him, as if 2 friends were side by side, and so what if they happen to touch each other. I was reassured by his lack of reaction and so was able to relax.

chaotic, I think some of these post-session magnified thoughts and interpretations were caused by the session not being connected. I did not imagine that. And I had a lot of anxiety at that meeting, and afterwards I had anxiety about the session being not so great. So I guess maybe I was seeking explanations for that and my inner thought track was off to the races: "What happened in that session? Where did things get off track? Was it that time I reprimanded him and he left me to stand on the other side of his room? Oh, wow, maybe I was acting like his ex-wife...."

The divorce feeling is a very powerful one for me because that is what I am in the middle of now. So my being afraid T would "divorce" me like he did his wife has deep meaning. It's kind of like a termination fear made deeply personal by festooning it with my own demons.