oops...... I make a lot of mistakes while posting, any ways here goes:

Appears like you are completely into you therapy and your torture spells that great changes are due... Otherwise you wouldn't be feeling so raw. In a way the therapy is doing exactly what its supposed to.
When you talk about a feeling that you want the T to take care of you, it probably like an old abandonment wound that has been re-activated because of your growing trust in your T. Which is good, because it means that ur capacity to trust is re-opening. Do take your own time in this phase, discuss with him or not, you will be able to work through this given time and pain. In my experience this is a pain that you probably faced and without experiencing it fully suppressed it out of your conscious thoughts. Mourning that loss, even if it is not obvious in the current scenario is the way to change.

'my goals are clear to me... but i also admit that we are not all strong enough to live in the truth.. i do not know if the things i want are worth the things i would have to face. i'm not looking to just do better, to improve my self esteem... whatever, i want the full monty'

This sounds so right to me........ I think you are headed in the right direction, even though painful.[/quote]