right now I feel like it is raining so hard on my life. I had a rough session this past Friday with my therapist. Not that he did anything wrong it was the subject that we talked about. Alittle about me.... I was sexually abused/raped when I was 7yrs old by my brother. I am now 47 and married with 3 grown kids. Going through counseling these last 3 years has been hard. But it has taken these last three years to build the trust between me and this man. But I just LOVE him and I have NEVER been this close to any man before not even my husband. He is a special therapist that is for sure. But we are just now getting into the sex part of my therapy. I want to have a healthy normal sex life with my husband, whom I have not had sex with for 2 yrs now since we both went into therapy together to work through all of this mess of our life. He is being so patient and understanding. More then me that is for sure. I am not so patient with myself. I feel I should be further along. I HATE myself so much.
I cannot look my therapist in the face either, I have not been able to for the last 3 years. I feel so ashamed of myself and dirty . I know I have no reason to feel that way around him he has NEVER given me a reason to feel that way but I just do.
This past Friday when I left his office I felt so bad for talking to him about sexual things, I felt so dirty and bad. I wanted to call him and still do but I do not want to seem like a BIG baby.
I just need to vent and thank goodness I found this place. I want to cut so bad tonight, I need toooooooooooo so bad, I need the release. I have been cutting since I was 15. The longest I have went without has been 2-3 weeks with my therapist help. But I always fail and slip back. Just like tonight I need to so bad. HELP me please........talk to me.....when is the chat room open?