I get VERY upset with myself when I feel like I've been irrational. I think back to a while ago when I got angry at my T when I thought she was ignoring me when I was wanting support. I felt like an email I sent made me look like a REAL NEEDY... I WANT YOUR ATTENTION... WACKO. At the time rationally I knew that the likely reason she didn't contact me was "She wasn't reading her e-mail!", yet I was being irrational and thinking that she was using some technique to "teach me a lesson about dealing with crap on my own." I really beat myself up A LOT because not only was I continuing to think irrationally, I actually disclosed it to her! When I look back on that situation from a 3rd person perspective...my responses to this situation were really not that abnormal. The way my T responded and treats me now, suggests that I am not that abnormal, that the freaky email got her attention but... it wasn't all that crazy. Again this is just something I do, probably not what you do; but I think a lot of times how I perceive things or the way my mind then weaves things is very distorted in comparison to how others perceive them.

The fact that you caught your response and thought whoa.. what's this about, was really good.

When I read this I had to laugh. I think about how many times when I am interacting with someone and I do just this. Some is talking with me, I am listening to what they are saying but get up to get something (a drink). Then on the way across the room they say something that immediately catching 100% of my attention. I immediately stop and listen or make a comment. The conversation continues and I forget what I originally got up for, stand there for a few seconds, then say the hell with it and sit back down. Didn't you mentioned your T might suffer or have some ADHD tendencies a bit too. If so, maybe he just got up to get something and had a mental lapse. OR as Slippers said ... needed to fart

After all that... my point is...during your session you thought his actions were strange but his others actions suggested that it was not likely directly related to what you were doing or saying so you dismissed it. It was only after the session when you were replaying your mental tape of the therapy session, that your mind latched on this this anomaly and started a "worst case scenario analysis" and the knowledge of his ex-wife, your feeling of being disconnected and him not hearing you that session, maybe anger at yourself for dumping irrational things on him, your fear of that he is eventually going to reject you, and all the other crap you dealing with started to be weaved into it and magnified it.

I think it was good that you allowed yourself to vent some of these tangled thoughts down in the unsent email then had the patience and discipline not to click the send button right away. Also I think it is good that you are now stepping back and analyzing your response to see if you can understand it and maybe avoid getting repeatedly getting caught up in this mental loop again.

Do you see yourself reflecting on this situation with him?

I know in my own therapy I've caught myself all tangled up in a negative feedback loop, managed to eventually get myself out of it, but tend to never close the loop by discussing what happen with my T. Sometimes I think this is OK because, I did the work, I got myself out of it, everything is "all good". But then other times I think... should I have talked about it so I would know for sure my final conclusions were accurate. By not actually talking about it, I never really get to know if my conclusion is accurate or if I did the same thing in another relationship would I be considered a WACKO.

I guess my question is... now that you've worked this far through the incident and your reactions to it... do you really need to discuss it and find out ... why he move a way from you that day? Does it really matter why?

I'm just curious because you seem to be in a situation where your decision to discuss this situation/ or any therapy situation is likely based on what you want/or need. I'm getting there but not there yet. In my therapy many "to discuss"/ "not to discuss" issues are still somewhat influenced by my fear that if my reaction is "weird" my T would then know.