I don't know if you can trust me, but talking is a good thing. You have to tell the secrets to someone safe. That's how you heal. The hard thing is learning how to tell who is safe to talk to. I wonder if you would talk to T about how to know who is safe to share with so that you don't have to feel bad about it or feel like you have to keep those secrets locked up in yourself. Or punish yourself or hurt the body either. That is another way of saying you have something important to say and you aren't being heard.