Well, it seems that you are new, so first off welcome to the forums!! I hope you find some help or comfort here. Second of all, the chat is open 24/7/365. Even if no one is in there, you can go in there and someone would come along eventually if you need to talk.

Anways, slip ups are okay. It happens. I know about feeling dirty. I was raped a few years ago by my boyfriends best friend, and not a single person believed me. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me feel dirty. And yeah, it hurts talking about it, but the T is there to help you. And if you need him, call him. That doesn't make you a baby, just saying you want something better than this, you don't want to feel like this anymore, you want him to help. And that's what he's supposed to do.

I hope this helps..best wishes

K