I am sorry that you are ashamed and embarrassed and feel stupid. We still care about you a whole lot and just see it as something that you were doing so that you could cope.... You are a really smart woman who is working really hard to get better and you will get better and you will be able to leave all of these unhealthy coping mechanisms behind..... I'm sorry that you are scared too 
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........
I'm an ISFJ
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