I'm sorry you are feeling bad, MissC. How are you doing today?
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Originally Posted by MissCharlotte
I was sitting on the couch and T asked me to stand up... We both noticed an immediate increase in my energy level. He said that he had debated whether or not to ask me to do that but he wanted me to notice that I needed to make changes in order to fight the depression, that it takes sort of a counter action (my words) to fight it.
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I like that way of putting it. I found when I was really depressed that no one thing really helped much, but a lot of little things each helped a little, and together they made a discernible difference. Maybe changing your body position, moving, etc. can be one of the little things that can help.
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I actually called him this morning and left a message with a few things, among them the fact that I was sorry he had to go to my ugly place, that I knew it couldn't feel good at all.
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I had this fear very early in therapy when beginning trauma work. We were going through all my reasons for my not being able to talk to him about traumatic experiences from the past. And one of them was that I didn't want to subject him to these memories, because they were awful and yucky and he shouldn't have to hear them. They were bad enough when they happened to me, I didn't want him to be exposed to them. He responded by telling me how he knew how to take care of himself, that he had heard really terrible things from his clients over the years, such as sexual abuse, torture, battlefield injuries, etc., and he had been able to listen and come out OK. He had training in how to do this and would take care of himself. He also told me that this is a common fear of clients--fear of harming the therapist. It was very reassuring to me to hear how experienced he was with this, and how he would not be harmed by sharing my trauma with me. It was a really important discussion.
MissC, can you tell your T your fears for him and his safety? And your rejection fear? It could be really healing to talk about this.
I hope you are doing OK this weekend.
