I have similar feelings about my pdoc. I often wish we could have more of a relationship or hang out or something. I think about him all the time and I wonder what he's doing, what his hopes and fears are, what he does in his free time, his relationship with his kids, and basically wondering what he's like as a person. I've even driven by his house and googled the s*** out of him. I'm too crazy to be of any help to you but maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that you're not the only one who wants to have more of a relationship with a T or pdoc. And now you know that there are people out there who are weirder than you are. At least you're not stalking anyone.