YES!!!

I know exactly what you're talking about. I, too, think about suicide/death often, but am not actually Suicidal. It just seems that those kinds of thoughts *pop* into my head out of nowhere -- things could be going perfectly fine, and then bam! It pops up spontaneously, and I'm going "where in the &^*# did that come from?" It's not always a thought of suicide, specifically, sometimes it's just a thought of death in general.

I guess it usually comes up when I am just really, really tired of dealing with my illness. The ultimate escape from fighting it all is appealing sometimes, but then I realize that I don't really want to do anything that drastic.

On the plus side, if I spontaneously start thinking about suicide, but realize that I don't actually want to carry it out, I think that's a good sign. When it comes out of nowhere, and I wonder why I'm thinking about that, then I realize it's not a desire to die, but rather my subconscious acknowledging that dealing with this is HARD! I'm fighting my illness pretty hard, and I'm exhausted from all that effort. But fighting it is exactly what we need to do, and as long as you're still fighting, you're still in the game.

Hope that's encouraging. I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and I'm glad you brought it up. Sometimes we need a little help to figure out why our brains work the way they do!